LAST CHANCE TO SEE...

Well, people, many of our NYC icons are going the way of the dodo. We here at NO HITTING don't want you to miss out on getting one last glimpse at some of the things that make our city great, so the Director of Central NO HITTING Intelligence has put a mole in the mayor's office. Here are some of the plans for 2007. Get out there while there's still time.

Central Park
This NYC icon will be bulldozed, flattened out, and be rebuilt into the Big Apple Foodcourt. But don't worry - to keep the original park-like feel, some of the foliage will still be there in spirit. Many of the trees will be replaced with exact replicas of themselves made from the wood pulp gathered by cutting down the original trees.

NY Public Library
All New York libraries will be shut down and replaced with a Starbucks/ Barnes & Noble combination. The illusion of books on the shelves will remain by replacing all the real books with hollow, cardboard, replicas. This step was taken after Starbucks Inc. conducted a survey which resulted in the following finding, 'people don't actually want to learn stuff...they simply want to be surrounded by smart looking things so they can feel smart...and they like really expensive coffees.'

The Plaza Hotel
The Plaza will be turned into an Urban mall named, El Plase Centro. El Plase will consist of a Pizza Hut, Quiznos, Dunkin Donuts, Nathan's, & a Haircuts Express. The only people who will ever enter the Plase will be tourists and all the shops will be manned by extremely angry Indian or Bangledeshi immigrants. Oops, sorry, that actually is happening.

Museum Of Natural History
New name: Museum of Non-Patriotic, Evil-doer, Alleged History. All items that don't quite jibe with the Bible will be marked with neon signs that say, "THEORY." The famous dinosaur exhibit will be renamed, "The Blasphemy Zone," and will be used to warn children about the dangers of actually believing what you can see with your own eyes.